Jorryn = The one God loves

Just less than 3 months ago, we lost our own little baby in miscarriage. It was one of the most unexpected, at times-a little frightening-, yet grace-filled circumstances we have yet encountered. My heart is sorrowful when I think of our baby Jorryn (the one God loves), and the thought of who our child would have been or how God would have used that precious life. Yet I praise Him for the short 12 weeks we had to celebrate a life and soul that we now look forward to meeting in heaven. On this Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, my heart is singing the words of Psalm 139:15-18:

"My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts,  O God! 

    How vast is the sum of them!

If I would count them, they are more than the sand. 

    I awake, and I am still with you."

​How great is our God?! How mighty is He?! 

Big enough to create life. 

Wise enough to count the life days just right. 

Gentle enough to comfort our hearts and graciously uphold us with peace. 

Loving enough to embrace our baby for us.  

Kind enough to hold onto us through it. 

Near enough to hear our prayers. 

Patient enough to see us through when even we may give up. 

Strong enough to handle our questions. 

Holy enough to use it for His glory. 

Worthy enough to accept our worship.

To everyone struggling with loss and heartache tonight, my prayer is that you can find a way to hold on to this magnificent Father one more minute. One more day. One more week. Until what He says about Himself is true. Not just words in a book or someone else's testimony, but in your heart and soul as well. You are loved. You are not alone.

Date Night

Date Nights with my son are one of my favorite things. Of course they differ from date nights with my Bays in lots of ways. One of the biggest differences is that they aren't actually at night. And instead of him driving me, I drive him. But they are the same in that we talk, take photos, get to know each other better, and I get to love on him without any other distractions.

Today was a day for a date. When I told him what we were up to, he said, "There be juice there. And Snacks!" Which is what we had done last time. So I took him back to the Target Starbucks, ordered his apple juice in a coffee cup, and let him pick out a cake pop. He said his coffee was "very hot," and proceeded to blow on it before taking a drink. He even agreed to take a photo with me and our coffee.

Mommy and Me

Pink Cake Pop

Juice Coffee

I forgot to mention also that he invited Junior Asparagus along on our date. 

After we finished, we buzzed over to the pet store. "There be kitties there!"

He was eager to see the guinea pigs, and ferrets, birds and mice (one of his favorites...Yuck), as well as the fish. His favorite fish last visit was the actually the blue lobster. I saw him perusing the various tanks and he said he was looking for the blue lobster. Thankfully, we found him and he had grown! And this time there were also white lobsters...his new favorite.

Rat

Blue Lobster

Thirsty Hamster

As we headed toward the door, we walked past an aisle of discounted, plush dog toys. Elliot immediately snuggled two of them into his neck. I had no choice but to get one...or three!

But Elliot plans to share :)

Such precious time with my little man. I treasure every second. And I know one day, he may be drinking real coffee and driving me to our date. But I don't have to dwell on that today...

...today, he's my two year old Babyson, and a blessing. Joy. Gift.