Somewhere Else While I'm Still Here

Whew, let me just say that tonight I am thankful to be out of the fog. Yes, it's supposed to get foggy here in my city overnight, but I'm talking about a mental fog. It seems to have been coming and going more frequently of late (I attribute that to the pregnancy). WHAT!? That is right - I am expecting a baby in September! My husband and I are so excited :) Finally able to share it with "the world" this week, and I have only now felt like I could get a blog together that wouldn't bore ME before I finished writing it. I've been that out of it, and I try to grab onto the spurts of energy and mental power as I get them. I'm having one right now.

The reason I decided to get with it on the blog tonight is because of an odd thing that happens every now and again. It's the sensation that although I'm here, I'm just as much somewhere else. Typically this phenomenon is brought about by a smell or person, object or picture that immediately takes me "back." Back, to some other place or time that I have been. Likely you can relate. For me, those experiences are typically pleasant, although bitter-sweet. And this one definitely was.

It started I suppose when reality began to sink in that this precious bundle of joy (now the size of a plum I might add) will, and to some extant already has, change my life dramatically. For example, I haven't been drinking coffee much and I've been avoiding certain foods and activities. Things I normally don't think twice about. But over the last couple of weeks I really began to think about how I will not be going back to Sudan this year. That's a big change. So much of my heart resides in a corner I call "Africa" and it grows and blooms every year with the thought of returning, seeing those friends and family across the ocean, and serving God alongside them. But this year will be different. VERY different. I can't even imagine all of it, which I suppose is good. None of us might have kids if we really understood the sacrifice and exhaustion that accompanies said joyful bundle ahead of time!

So I've been processing the fact that we will have a new assignment come September: parenthood. Might not have to fly across the sea to fulfill it, but I think it will more challenging, and hopefully even more rewarding, this next phase of calling the Lord has on our lives.

All that being said, there is still a part of me missing Africa. (I suppose the fact that I haven't felt well and don't yet look pregnant aid this wistful feeling). I'm still learning how to put that in its place.

Yesterday, I was browsing Pinterest and randomly come across a photo that is displayed over and over and over on the holding video on the KLM flights from here to Amsterdam / Amsterdam to Africa.

The video plays music as a video rolls of different scenes and poses around this fixture. Gets pretty annoying after about 15 minutes of sitting in your seat, waiting for take off, but always "takes me back" when I see/hear it. It is visually and emotionally tied to our Africa trips. 

Later, as I was working on my Bible Study, I realized I was a using  KLM pen (Not sure how I got it. Hope I didn't steal it). Didn't even realize we had one, but there it was in my hand. Back again.

I'm afraid to even get out the photos from when we were actually IN AFRICA:. Could be sentimental overload.

The icing on the cake came on my walk today. Someone was cooking with the windows open and it smelled almost exactly the way our food smelled while in Sudan. Rice and Beans, maybe some chips. Oi. I can picture myself smelling that smell in Sudan...does that make any sense?

All this to say, I've been in Sudan or on my way there a lot this week. Thankful for the time and lessons learned there, friendships made and ministry done. And thankful at the same time that our new assignment will hold its own blessings and lessons, and hoping that one day, I will get to return to Sudan, and maybe take our Plum Joy with us. In the meantime, I've got photos and memories to "Take me Back" as often as I'd like.

KJo